We have tried to turn a blind eye to your West Coast idiosyncracies for as long as possible, but after an especially shameful incident last night, we feel we must speak up. In order to preserve the True Art as handed down to us by the Ancient Masters, please take note of the following:
- Every scene shall have a clearly identifiable Dom and a clearly identifiable Sub.
- Subs shall speak respectfully at all times. Comments like "You suck! You're doing it all wrong!" aren't clever-- they're just disrespectful. Nobody likes a mouthy bottom, missy.
- Dripping blood is a serious matter, and must be cleaned up right away. Otherwise, SHE MIGHT DIE!
- Gluing googly eyes to your needles isn't funny.
- SM is Serious. Hysterical laughter in the middle of a scene is inappropriate.
- Needles are not swords. They do not go "schwing!" when you draw them. Having a longer needle does not give you "reach advantage." See point 1, above.
P.S.: Please review and comply with our recent memorandum, "Straight boys don't cuddle with other boys".
P.P.S.: You aren't going to throw that needle away after just one use, are you?