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An open memo to Seattle - Sex With Matt
The sexual is political
An open memo to Seattle
Dear Seattle,

We have tried to turn a blind eye to your West Coast idiosyncracies for as long as possible, but after an especially shameful incident last night, we feel we must speak up.  In order to preserve the True Art as handed down to us by the Ancient Masters, please take note of the following:
  1. Every scene shall have a clearly identifiable Dom and a clearly identifiable Sub.
  2. Subs shall speak respectfully at all times.  Comments like "You suck!  You're doing it all wrong!" aren't clever-- they're just disrespectful.  Nobody likes a mouthy bottom, missy.
  3. Dripping blood is a serious matter, and must be cleaned up right away.  Otherwise, SHE MIGHT DIE!
  4. Gluing googly eyes to your needles isn't funny.
  5. SM is Serious.  Hysterical laughter in the middle of a scene is inappropriate.
  6. Needles are not swords.  They do not go "schwing!" when you draw them.  Having a longer needle does not give you "reach advantage."  See point 1, above.
Your prompt attention to this matter is appreciated.

P.S.: Please review and comply with our recent memorandum, "Straight boys don't cuddle with other boys".

P.P.S.: You aren't going to throw that needle away after just one use, are you?
red_the_squeaky From: red_the_squeaky Date: June 1st, 2008 05:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
Watching those abominations was quite the ab workout though.

What's the ruling on airline safety jokes during blow-jobs?
Doing cheers with a pompom in each other available orifice?
silvergoth From: silvergoth Date: June 1st, 2008 06:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Damn, girl! Don't your wrists get sore??

Impressed at your stamina,

- S

"She's going down, Captain!"
tornus From: tornus Date: June 1st, 2008 11:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aww... missed the blowjob.

The pompoms were sick and wrong and utterly wonderful.
silvergoth From: silvergoth Date: June 1st, 2008 06:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ha Ha! You said "sub!"

Matisse will have a snit!

Don't the Ancient Masters use a lowercase "s" for "sub?"
From: tamn8or Date: June 1st, 2008 07:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Uh... sorry I didn't get the memo. (Apparently I'm having a problem with my TPS cover sheets too.)
From: dog_walker Date: June 1st, 2008 09:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
Straight men should never EVER cuddle. Even if it feels nice.
hlmt From: hlmt Date: June 2nd, 2008 09:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hehehe. Sorry we had to leave early... =)
kimosammy From: kimosammy Date: June 3rd, 2008 01:26 am (UTC) (Link)
I should add that people shouldn't laugh during *other* people's scenes. They are distracting...especially when one is trying to (very seriously, mind you) take needles out of someone!
This is very serious business. I mean...she *could* have died!!
I am so posting this on my blog...
tornus From: tornus Date: June 3rd, 2008 01:54 am (UTC) (Link)
I heard this one woman was doing a scene one time, and someone laughed when she was pulling out a needle, and she was so startled that she accidentally shoved it back in.

It must have been because of the laugh, right? I mean, what kind of nutjob would do that on purpose?
kimosammy From: kimosammy Date: June 3rd, 2008 11:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I can neither confirm nor deny anything...
regyt From: regyt Date: June 3rd, 2008 11:31 am (UTC) (Link)
Found you via Matisse's blog. Bwahaha, I have a bag of googly eyes waiting around for just such an occasion. The "schwing!" is a great idea, though. Silliest piercing scene I ever did involved gluing homemade felt bunny ears to the needles (see my icon for what that looked like).
liminalia From: liminalia Date: June 3rd, 2008 12:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh, is that what those are! I thought it was a tattoo of needles turned into flowers. Darn, I like my idea better. :P
kimosammy From: kimosammy Date: June 3rd, 2008 11:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
Googly eyes are the best. It should be noted that you need to use the glue with care. We had a few needles that we were afraid that the eye would come off while we took the hub off. So make sure you use enough so it will survive the hub removal...oh...and punchings....
tornus From: tornus Date: June 4th, 2008 03:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aww... just right for Easter!
From: (Anonymous) Date: June 3rd, 2008 02:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sir Drake the Omnipotent of the House of Galaxywide Lords will be so pissed at you.

silvergoth From: silvergoth Date: June 4th, 2008 05:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
As will Sir Master DomTop, and His Eminence the Pillsbury Dough Top!
ladylahatiel From: ladylahatiel Date: June 3rd, 2008 05:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
...and now I have tea down my front from doing a spit-take at #6. "Schwing!" Hee hee.

Hee hee hee. God. So awesome.
silvergoth From: silvergoth Date: June 4th, 2008 05:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
It was even funnier in person, if you can imagine. ;-)
elfs From: elfs Date: June 3rd, 2008 09:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
"You wrapped on my shoulder. Stings."

"I know. I do that just to annoy you."

"With what? The pain, or your technique?"

"Oh, I am so gonna hurt you."

(John Travolta voice) "Whee! What a predicament!"

And yes, we live in Seattle...
tornus From: tornus Date: June 4th, 2008 03:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hi, Elf. Long time no see.

There must be something silly in the water...
sir_barak From: sir_barak Date: June 4th, 2008 02:23 pm (UTC) (Link)



Oh, please... Please can I gack this? I would love to crosspost it.

Let me know
tornus From: tornus Date: June 4th, 2008 03:14 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Please?

I'd be flattered. Have fun with it!
ginoushka From: ginoushka Date: June 9th, 2008 07:51 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Please?


I found this through gloombunny, and would love to repost it.

Thank you, so kindly,

silvergoth From: silvergoth Date: June 4th, 2008 06:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Matt - we need to make me a shirt that says

"Warning! You are entering a protocol-free zone. Traditional roles are not in use. Earplugs must be employed to avoid cognitive paralysis."

In safety orange, of course. With this emoticon:


- Silver
jeanineers From: jeanineers Date: June 10th, 2008 04:04 am (UTC) (Link)
I'd order one.
silvergoth From: silvergoth Date: June 10th, 2008 06:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, it would be fun. I've got so many damn T-shirt ideas!

jaymiemizuno From: jaymiemizuno Date: June 7th, 2008 05:07 am (UTC) (Link)

a memo from me to Matt/tornus

RE:1. How do you explain the interaction of Dominant/Alpha/Submissive?

RE:2. i know lots of people who like mouthy bottoms, and besides, it is giving feedback! Also, your suggestion seems ripe for abuse; i take it you have not read Screw the Roses? Not every relationship is what YOU think it should be; not most, actually.

RE:3. For some people, dripping blood just flat does it for them; who are you to limit people from one of their kinks if they have it?

RE:4. Yes it is; "Hi, I'm Mister Needle and I'm penetrating you in a new way!"

RE:5. Tickle play much? Obviously not. It can be its own torture.

RE:6. Humor releases these little feel-good hormones in your brain; this can mess with your pleasure-pain receptors and make things that otherwise would be 'ow' into 'wow'. Study the human body.

RE:P.S. Um, who are you to control the actions of anyone other than a submissive that is in a relationship with you (and even then, within the limits set in the relationship)?
Remember those feel-happy hormones? They also get released by physical touch and interaction.

RE:P.P.S. That is what disposable needles are for! You really think you can get it completely sterile? The plastic shroud to hold the needle with isn't airtight; it could be a gathering point of blood. Also, plastic tends to be slightly porous, so throwing it out is very much easier to do than trying to sterilize the thing; recycling the needle, not reusing it, is better than throwing it away.

i write this as someone from Michigan, an intelligent person, and a submissive definitely lacking a welcome mat on my body. About the only real way to reuse that needle would probably be to deflate the ego behind the writing of these demands, manifestos, and memorandums.
tornus From: tornus Date: June 9th, 2008 04:37 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: a memo from me to Matt/tornus

Just so we're on the same page, this whole memo was thoroughly tongue in cheek.

And you're right, it's not possible to safely re-use needles. The practice I was making fun of actually doesn't involve re-using needles on different people, but rather re-using the same needle on the same person in the same scene (which is basically safe, but sucks because the needle gets blunt).
jaymiemizuno From: jaymiemizuno Date: June 9th, 2008 05:23 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: a memo from me to Matt/tornus

Oops, sorry about that then. Guess i've developed a hair-trigger to the sort of tone that it sounded like; been contacted by too many people who actually do write and talk like that. It gets rather frustrating; sorry again!
fullcontactmuse From: fullcontactmuse Date: June 9th, 2008 01:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
This is a glorious start to my morning and I must link to this from journal.

Thanks for sharing!

(Fortunately, not breakfasty foods were snorted during reading--I had finished before clicking on the link from gloombunny...)
vivid_confusion From: vivid_confusion Date: January 25th, 2011 02:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Am I wrong to have thought of half a dozen other "off label" uses for googly eyes before I even finished reading the letter?

:::hangs my head in shame:::

I'm not "twue" enough.